Thanksgiving...A Cornucopia of Traditions

It's Thanksgiving week here in the glorious and gluttonous United States of America. Food, booze, and on Friday, credit cards will be flying as we give thanks as a nation.

It's a grand American tradition, and nowhere is the Thanksgiving tradition more honored than here at Bagwine Ruminations.

Let's take a look at some previous Thanksgiving related Bagwine pictures, videos, and stories shall we?

It's Thanksgiving week, bitches!! And we'll be celebrating all week. Enjoy.

An Inky and Lola Spin-Off...



A moving song I wrote some two years and 35 pounds ago...

A future look at Thanksgiving that I wrote in 2008...

I thought I would channel my magical six and a half pound turkey breast, Lola Fowllana, to see what future Thanksgivings may hold for me…

Say, in twenty years from now.

Man, by that time my kid will be 34. I’ll be nearly 64, and my nutsack will have dropped down another 8 inches.

Instead of being nearly bald, I will be completely bald. I won’t have any of my real teeth, but by God, I will have a set of futuristic dentures.

I’ll still cook a bird, potatoes, dressing, and since I’ll have teeth, I may even have some maize on the cob.

I’ll just have to make sure not to overdue it, lest my brand new colostomy bag break open like a New Orleans levee.

That would certainly put a damper, not to mention an intolerable stench, on the holiday.

I don’t know if Schmoop will still be with me.

I mean, as it is now, I walk around the abode all day, half naked scratching my boys, by then I will have completely given up on life and just walk around all day fully naked scratching them.

I can see how she might grow weary of that.

Then again, she might not even notice ‘cause she’ll be too busy trying not to trip over her 40 Cs that are in a race to the floor with my aforementioned nutsack.

Eh, we’ll be together. I think Satan has made a pact with God on that. Besides, who would color her hair and get things cooked prior to the big feast?

Perhaps my son and his new wife will stop by to see dear old Dad. That would be nice.

I would give him a big hug, and give his sexy, tall, spouse with the perfect breasts an even tighter and longer lasting one...and some tongue.

Then they’ll leave and go over to his mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner. And once again, it will be just Schmoop and I.

We’ll make a toast. I’ll serve the food...

And then, maybe when we are done eating, we will, as we now do most Saturday nights, slow dance to a song or two in our tiny apartment.

Exhausted from the big day, we will go to bed, smile at each other, and exchange a soft kiss and our goodnights.

Then, as I roll over to turn out the light…

I'll see that the clock reads Six-O'-Fucking-Clock P.M.!!

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Matt-Man and His Amazing Powder Blue Dreampants

It’s going to be a bee-yoo-tee-ful Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio. Sunny with a high near 60.

The good weather should help because it’s going to be a long day. I work 11-7 at the Beer Mine and then go over to my kid’s house in order to help him study for a couple of tests.

Today’s Church Disservice is based upon Genesis 37:3...

“Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colors.”

I had a similar event happen to me while I was in the hospital. At one point during my first day there, I was transported from the ER down to Radiology in order to have an ultrasound done.

Upon my arrival, “Shelly”, the ultrasound technician, asked me to take my pants off. As a guy who enjoys hearing that, I quickly and happily obliged.

She checked everything out. My legs which as I told you a few days ago, she said were really nice looking.

She checked my organs out and at one point asked, “When did you have your gall bladder taken out, Matt?” I said, “I never had my gal---”

She interjected, “Ha. Just kidding; there it is.” We cut up for a few more minutes and then we were done.

After she completed some paperwork, she asked if I wanted to put my pants back on…a pair of jeans that I had been wearing for hours and had been collecting the smell of hospital funk.

I said, “Eh…I’m sure I’ll be getting prodded more over the next few hours and their a pain to get on and off, so I may as well leave them off.”

It was a bit cold in the Radiology area so Shelly said, “Hey, why don’t I give you a pair of my pants?”

And with that my friends, a 70’s guitar riff that one would hear embedded in a porn soundtrack filled my head and I envisioned her stripping down. Alas…it was not to be.

Shelly did, however, go into the next room and came back carrying a fresh pair of hospital scrub pants, and smiling, said, “Here, I’ll give you these, Matt. You can keep them.”

It was then, that the words of Genesis 37:3 came to mind albeit in slightly different form…

“Now Shelly loved Matt-Man more than all her patients, because he had great legs: and she gave unto him pants of a powder blue color.”


I appreciate the charity of Shelly, and each time I wear these special pants I will think of her and her kindness.

Amen, and Amen.

Cheers!!

A Day of Football and Nicotine

Happy Saturday!!

I'm off to see Ryno for a few and then will be back to the digs to watch the Ohio State Buckeyes take on the Michigan Wolverines in Ann Arbor at Noon today.

This is exactly the type of football game that I enjoy watching because I don't care who wins and if they end up carting 15 players off the field from either and/or both sides, I just say, "Eh, what a fucking shame."

Other than my back hurting, my lung sounds clear and I feel pretty good today. So good in fact, that when I woke up this morning, I took a picture of one of the first things I did this morning...

Tar and Nicotine never tasted so damn good!! I'll add some beer and Rose to the mix later, and baby, we'll be partyin'!!

Have a wonderful Saturday all.

Cheers!!